Our pastor on Sunday gave an amazing analogy to the movie Les Miserables. He spoke about how the character Javert experienced forgiveness. He spoke how a man, who he had been persecuting throughout his life showed him freedom through a newness, free-ness, and forgiveness.
I cannot help but to think about a man, a father, an actor, an icon, and simply a person tonight... Phillip Seymour Hoffman. When I think back to his career, I think about...first...what amazing movies he made. Second...a pain, and a secret... third... someone who had been hiding something.
Then, I begin to think about myself and the rest of the world. I have many secrets. Many secrets I keep to surprise the ones that I love. I want to share surprises, excitement, and the love I have for my closest family and friends. I also have secrets that I am most ashamed of. I pray everyday for forgiveness and know that those past mistakes are no longer me, they are no longer who I am.
Last month Maddie got caught for hiding candy in her room (Again mom's I know I have it coming to me, but this is the stage that I am in). We tried (and hopefully got it through her head) that candy is something special. Hiding is something we are ashamed of. We told Maddie that if she is "hiding" candy in her room, she is afraid she is going to get caught and/or ashamed of it. Our kids are allowed to have candy but not on a regular basis. They must ask for permission. I guess Maddie got tired of asking for this permission. Well...after a LONG discussion about how this was wrong...we came to an agreement and found her boundaries. Maddie knows that we do not disapprove of candy but knows that we simply want our kids to ask because we care about their health. I think she finally got it!
As soon as I heard the news of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, I could not help but to think about an everyday man, who had a secret. Many people think of movie stars as ones who have everything. Why?...they are just people... who are actually and probably experiencing more temptation that we could even imagine.
An amazing actor was experiencing a secret and a pain that we do not know. He was in his tiny birdhouse. He did not want anyone to know his secret, including his kids.
Aren't we all in a comparable situation? I do not want my kids to know my past. I do not want them to know the regret I have. I do not want them to know the pain I have brought to others.
I no longer have to ask permission to my parents to do things. But....I now have to ask myself permission to do a lot. Many times temptation kicks in...but...then regret sinks in further (if I choose the wrong choice) and then... I want to escape to my tiny bird house. I am so sad that people who I thought were icons are now gone...but then again...I have two babies (generally speaking) asleep upstairs that I am an icon to. Maybe I should rethink how I should live my "secrets..." I hope I never have to share my regrets with them...maybe I should stop my regrets now, today.
My repurpose of today: TRY to live each moment outside of the birdhouse so my kids and others can see me outside of my regrets. Experience the forgiveness of my friends, family, and kids.
I am an everyday mom who likes everyday things. I love taking everyday items and giving them a repurpose. Our number one seller is our candles!